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My boyfriend has two baby mothers - Should I cheat to make this work

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Dear Mr.Proppa fix,

I am 18 years of age and am currently dating a 26-year-old man. He has two kids for two different mothers. I knew about this when the relationship was already in full swing so it was hard for me to leave, plus he is no longer with either of them so it was not easy for me to detect. He says he loves me, but these days I don’t think men understand the meaning of that word anymore.

Although he is always around me, he has these unbearable ways. When we’re together he is always looking at other women (and a mean ‘bruking’ him neck to do so), this is why I don’t act intimate with him in public because I don’t want to look like a fool. His phone is ALWAYS ringing, and sometimes they sound a little too intimate because he starts whispering or he leaves my presence to take the phone call. His explanation is, “him ‘pree’ other people because he likes to be aware of his surrounds” and the phone calls are just friends, then he tries to flip the script and asks- what about the calls I get or the people I look at? When we go out, especially to clubs this is where I get the feeling most, because he tends to leave me every 5mins.

In terms of finance, it splits into a sixty- forty ratio with me being 60. I mean he is the one working and I’m the one spending more. I know all of this sounds bad but he still treats me amazing and the sex is great and complicated at the same time. We broke up several times for this and I must admit a love the break-ups because they are always so dramatic and exciting. Since reuniting there are slight changes, and he is someone I love to be around because of his personality, however I still don’t trust him.

To be honest I haven’t been completely innocent because of him, I snoop around to make myself feel better about this, but not to the extent to call it cheating. Should I cheat to make this work because I feel that’s the only way?

p.s. I know that at the end of reading this you might think that this relationship is too big for me, and I fell like I can already predict your response, however a really want you to think about it.

-Dear J.R.
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Dear J.R.

I think that it is possible that you both do love each other, but I also think that as you have rightly said, trust is lacking in the relationship. Cliché as it may sound- trust is the key building bock in any relationship intimate or not.

I notice that you bragged about spending bigger percentage of his money. But I am just hoping you are spending some of that money on education. You still young and should be attending college by now. I want you to remember this, nothing last forever.

From what you have said, I see where your partner’s attitude needs some improvement and I think that because of your age difference, he finds it easier to treat you that way. Although he may truly love you, he might also be looking at you as an immature little girl and as such, he won’t be compelled to take you seriously. Do you think that a woman his age and of more maturity would allow a man that she is out on a date with treat her like that in public?

You need to set your boundaries and stand by them. Put your love aside, think about your self worth, and decide if you are willing to be treated like a child. Do you think that you need to be humiliated in public? The excuses that he is giving you are ridiculous and they really show how much he takes you for granted.

Cheating is never a good idea, particularly when it is motivated by revenge. How is cheating on your partner going to help your situation? You need to act like a grown woman and have an adult conversation with your boyfriend instead of making a complete fool of yourself. You might just and end up feeling cheap and hurt.

If you feel that the relationship is worth maintaining - don’t do anything stupid in irreversible to mess it up!

That is my advice young lady - tek it or leave it

Are you having an issue that you can’t resolve by yourself? Need some advice? Send your emails to mr.proppafix@gmail.com

You can read previous Proppa Fix letters at this link READ MORE PROPPA FIX

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Comments (15)

 

the lovely MISS TACIOUS:
Posted by the lovely MISS TACIOUS | November 18, 2008 10:09 AM

My Advice:

Get some self esteem, confidence and some GUSTO! Because you desperately need some!

If you think that cheating is the only way to save this relationship then this isnt a relationship worth saving, my dear.

I'd just like to pinpoint a few things from this passage:
" Since reuniting there are slight changes, and he is someone I love to be around because of his personality, however I still don’t trust him."

Personality? Girl, I'm surprised you know he even has one considering he leaves you all the time.

And if you don't trust why are you wasting time with this man???

I KNOW WHY!

Because you like the fucking.

What you need to do girl is to STOP THINKING WITH YOUR PUSSY AND START USING YOUR HEAD!



Posted by Nadyah | November 18, 2008 10:41 AM

First off, that girl need to know who she f*ckin wit, cuz her man sound like to type to buss her in her jaw for cheatin. Second, she's broken up with him countless times for the same $hit . . . if he ain't changing then he don't give a damn! (This is simple $hit, please keep up, I know I ain't movin fast) Third, you are confusing money and dick for a good relationship. Take a good look around and analyze ya situation, f#ck trust, he ain't got no respect for u. You didn't know about his 2 baby mothers until the relationship was in full swing, and I guarantee you ain't gonna know about the next one til the baby come. That's why he hasn't said anything to you about the men you "snoop" around with, cause he has MUCH bigger secrets than that. Get it together, it's not cute.



SI WHAT:
Posted by SI WHAT | November 18, 2008 12:46 PM

GUYS I BELIEVE YOU MISUNDERSTOOD THE PART ABOUT THE MONEY...i believe she meant that she was the one spending more of her money in the relationship, even though he is the one working... which means he is the one using her. go back and read the passage again.


now... u miss thing sound very naive and foolish, you have complicate urself by saying you dont like to hang around him because of his disrespectful ways then you go back and say you like being around him because of his personality. my girl get it together. the man like you because he is in control and yes he has other woman its very obvious, take it from me have been there.leave the bwoy alone he is taking advantage of you and you are too man frighten to see that, but i will forgive you because you are young and you have to make a couple mistakes sometimes before you learn... dont be too hard on yourself but honey you have to have self worth and self esteeem so find a guy that can teach you something and adores you.



Tanny:
Posted by Tanny | November 18, 2008 4:50 PM

Dis chick cannot be serious....have fun being babymother #3



Tanny:
Posted by Tanny | November 18, 2008 4:53 PM

Dis chick cannot be serious....have fun being babymother #3. Also don't think your going to be the last. Clearly he has your young head wrapped around his finger.



LIBERIANGIRL:
Posted by LIBERIANGIRL | November 18, 2008 6:57 PM

if you have to ask that question , you need to move on with your life.clearly trust is an issue.



candy:
Posted by candy | November 18, 2008 7:42 PM

this girl need to let this creep go away for good he just going to burst ur bubble one day tellin u that there is another baby out there.. let go now before its too late



BOSTON_LUCKY_KILLA:
Posted by BOSTON_LUCKY_KILLA | November 19, 2008 9:48 AM

Yo I'm not on a computer, so this will be short..... Di man no do nothing wrong. Mi pree around me all di time because me nuh trust breeze much less dust. MI WAAN Fi BIG UP EVERYONE ON THIS SITE. EVERYBODY FROM OLD HARBOUR, DUNN KIRK, RAE TOWN, FARM MAYPEN,WEB LANE MAYPEN, JOHNS ROAD SPAIN TOWN. BOSTON MA UNNU LARGE, MEK SURE UNNU CHECK OUT SERANI AND SIZZLA THIS WEEKEND. BABY GIRL WEN U COME CHECK FOR THE PPL THEM RESPONCE, MEK SURE U CLICK ON MY NAME AND IT WILL TAKE U TO MY HI5 PAGE; THE NEXT POST NOT THIS ONE BECAUSE I'M NOT ON A COMPUTER NOW.



Posted by BOSTON_LUCKY_KILLA | November 19, 2008 8:58 PM

nadyah yuh look good......next time mi come a bronx mi ago beg a ride in ya range......yo watz wrong if di man have a two kids? my girl jus chill, because u dont have any prove



Posted by BOSTON_LUCKY_KILLA | November 19, 2008 9:01 PM

my girl di man have him kids before him meet yuh......him didn't tell because u didn't ask and him neva want you fi judge him......but if u want to give it away, mi kno alot a ppl weh will tek it as long as u body ready



Can:
Posted by Can | November 20, 2008 11:36 AM

Hon, you are too young to tie down yourself in any relationship. When I was 18 I was partying with my friends, taking road trips, travelling on holidays & most importantly studying. Try and get some good friends that you can just chill with & have fun instead of stressing out over something that more than likely will lead to pain. He is who he is, you cant change that. He's gonna look at other women, probably fuck around. You cheating on him may end up with you getting an unwanted pregancy/disease cuz you aint so experienced in the cheating department. So stop letting this man play you, & most importantly, stop playing yourself & enjoy life while you are young.



sexyllisha:
Posted by sexyllisha | November 21, 2008 8:21 AM

hmm what can i say but you are too young you need to enjoy life and leave the likkle man alone as can say at 18 you need to be touching the road and a enjoy yourself travel and relax chill with couple of your friends and most importantly take in your school work cause when this man run through you pop you down and breed you then leave you in the stink for the next 18 year old your are going to be the one crying not him. Take my advice young lady live your life to the fullest and dont stress over no man cause as good as the sex may seem to your young ass another out there that can do way better than him.



the lovely MISS TACIOUS:
Posted by the lovely MISS TACIOUS | November 21, 2008 9:25 AM

I agree completely with Can!



Bee:
Posted by Bee | November 21, 2008 12:49 PM

Ok. Om a young 21 year old female also, listen up. i was with a 27 year old man who ddnt mind me bt cheat his a*s off. i chaeted to feel betr, but in turn i waz only hurtin myself. girl im nt gonna dis u and call u a fool, but ur naive d man nu want u, he just wants somebody to control. make ur way outa there



Flesh Axe:
Posted by Flesh Axe | November 22, 2008 7:30 PM

Cheating, lies and mistrust destroy relationships.I suggest you focus on your education and get a profession. Lift up you head and hold it up high sister.



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