Dear Mr.Proppa fix,
I am 18 years of age and am currently dating a 26-year-old man. He has two kids for two different mothers. I knew about this when the relationship was already in full swing so it was hard for me to leave, plus he is no longer with either of them so it was not easy for me to detect. He says he loves me, but these days I don’t think men understand the meaning of that word anymore.
Although he is always around me, he has these unbearable ways. When we’re together he is always looking at other women (and a mean ‘bruking’ him neck to do so), this is why I don’t act intimate with him in public because I don’t want to look like a fool. His phone is ALWAYS ringing, and sometimes they sound a little too intimate because he starts whispering or he leaves my presence to take the phone call. His explanation is, “him ‘pree’ other people because he likes to be aware of his surrounds” and the phone calls are just friends, then he tries to flip the script and asks- what about the calls I get or the people I look at? When we go out, especially to clubs this is where I get the feeling most, because he tends to leave me every 5mins.
In terms of finance, it splits into a sixty- forty ratio with me being 60. I mean he is the one working and I’m the one spending more. I know all of this sounds bad but he still treats me amazing and the sex is great and complicated at the same time. We broke up several times for this and I must admit a love the break-ups because they are always so dramatic and exciting. Since reuniting there are slight changes, and he is someone I love to be around because of his personality, however I still don’t trust him.
To be honest I haven’t been completely innocent because of him, I snoop around to make myself feel better about this, but not to the extent to call it cheating. Should I cheat to make this work because I feel that’s the only way?
p.s. I know that at the end of reading this you might think that this relationship is too big for me, and I fell like I can already predict your response, however a really want you to think about it.
I think that it is possible that you both do love each other, but I also think that as you have rightly said, trust is lacking in the relationship. Cliché as it may sound- trust is the key building bock in any relationship intimate or not.
I notice that you bragged about spending bigger percentage of his money. But I am just hoping you are spending some of that money on education. You still young and should be attending college by now. I want you to remember this, nothing last forever.
From what you have said, I see where your partner’s attitude needs some improvement and I think that because of your age difference, he finds it easier to treat you that way. Although he may truly love you, he might also be looking at you as an immature little girl and as such, he won’t be compelled to take you seriously. Do you think that a woman his age and of more maturity would allow a man that she is out on a date with treat her like that in public?
You need to set your boundaries and stand by them. Put your love aside, think about your self worth, and decide if you are willing to be treated like a child. Do you think that you need to be humiliated in public? The excuses that he is giving you are ridiculous and they really show how much he takes you for granted.
Cheating is never a good idea, particularly when it is motivated by revenge. How is cheating on your partner going to help your situation? You need to act like a grown woman and have an adult conversation with your boyfriend instead of making a complete fool of yourself. You might just and end up feeling cheap and hurt.
If you feel that the relationship is worth maintaining - don’t do anything stupid in irreversible to mess it up!
That is my advice young lady - tek it or leave it
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