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I caught my wife having sex at home - I can’t stop thinking about her

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Dear Mr. proppafix

I am a middle-aged educator at a prominent school in rural Jamaica. I have been having some problems for the past few months and I was wondering if you could advise me as how to deal with them. Others have told me that I am a quiet person and I tend to keep all my feelings inside instead of revealing them to others so writing this letter to you is a huge step for me.

I was raised in a Christian household, and like many Christian young men, I decided to get married at an early age. She is much more outgoing than I am - she likes to go out, she has many friends and has a lot more hobbies than I do. She used to always say that I needed to be more adventurous and that I act like an old man!

I gave her all my love, commitment, and I never looked at another woman while we were together. Our sex life was interesting and the first time we made love, I realized that she was experienced. It was my first time so I was lost and I felt a little embarrassed, but she assured me that she would work with me until I became a ‘pro’.

We had been having some rocky times in our marriage and this is so painful to say but to cut a long story short, I came home one day to find her having sex with a man in my house on my bed! Obviously, she had to go and we haven’t spoken since.

My big problem is - call me crazy or just plain stupid, but I still think about her. Sometimes I wonder what she is doing and if she is ok! She works part time and I wonder if she is making ends meet. I don’t know how to get her out of my thoughts. I haven’t mentioned these feelings to anybody because I am afraid that they will laugh at me and maybe think I am stupid. Should I contact her and reconcile? Technically, she is still my wife because the divorce is not final.

-Teacher
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Dear Teacher

When I was a young man, I went with my grandfather to his cane piece and accidentally sat in an ants nest. I am sure you can imagine what happened and I am sure that you can understand that it has never happened again (and that was a long time ago). That simple event has thought me a life long lesson- I will never let something negative that has happened to me once, happen to me twice.

If you get back together with this woman, you are asking for it. It is obvious that she wants something different. She wants excitement and maybe you just were wrong for each other from the start.

I know that you love her but some love is pointless- particularly if it is going to cause you constant pain. My advice to you is to let it go and give yourself the chance to see what life has to offer and enjoy yourself while doing it. Don’t let this woman get you down because I am sure she is doing fine - if she needed you she would contact you- trust me! I am certain that there is better for you out there so stop sulking over her.

That is my advice young man - tek it or leave it

Are you having an issue that you can’t resolve by yourself? Need some advice? Send your emails to mr.proppafix@gmail.com

You can read previous Proppa Fix letters at this link READ MORE PROPPA FIX

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Comments (42)

 

JAHMONE:
Posted by JAHMONE | November 12, 2008 12:31 PM

FCUKING WASTE MAN - A IDIOT LIKE YOU MEK SOME WOMAN TRY GO ROUN REAL M-A-N. U ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MAN KABOOM ALLIANCE



Seriously:
Posted by Seriously | November 12, 2008 12:59 PM

@Jahmone, you soun like a real woman beater... men like you after beating your woman, that girl will surely cheat to try to get away from you.

Anyways, Teacher, What did you expect ? You said she likes to go out and she said you should be more adventurous and that you act like an old man. Which seems to be true. So i've come to the conclusion that you didnt take the time to do what she likes to do. You didnt cater to her needs, you kept your feeling to yourself. Maybe because you didnt take the time to go places with her and be a part of it when she's enjoying herself. Maybe she thought you didnt want her. There I quote that i heard recently " If a woman thinks she's the center of your world, she will never stray "

But Seriously, Once a cheater always a cheater. Has she contacted you since the split ? That should tell u if she wants u back.
Move on and try to find a womann with whom you have alot in common with.



paree:
Posted by paree | November 12, 2008 1:11 PM

@seriously the more u beat your woman the more she fraid fi cheat..

anyway teacher get a life and leave the woman alone. u should have given her a good beating when u find her having sex with a next man inna your house...call her back and sex her then beat her and u would get over it.. believe him it work..



Posted by juicee | November 12, 2008 1:17 PM

Left di leggo beast, mek she gwan. She no ready fi marriage life.



branue:
Posted by branue | November 12, 2008 2:07 PM

this is the PERFECT result for sex AFTER marriage... hush bossie but yuh nuh only get puss inna bag, it come wid ants too.



Teka:
Posted by Teka | November 12, 2008 2:17 PM

Teacher this is so sad...your christian upbringing made you calm. You need to move on with your life this woman was not ready for marriage. Please take time out to get to know the person you will be with and you can still be a christian and enjoy yourself, take some time out go to places meet different people no need to be shy and reserved put a little fun in your life. I assure you in so doing you dont have to go over board. Love is not easy to get over but you will if you make up your mind. You are in my prayers and I wish you all the best.



bad boy:
Posted by bad boy | November 12, 2008 2:25 PM

da gal deh fi d*ad,f_ck in a my bed in a my house she would a d*ad the same day



look here sir- listen to the nurse:
Posted by look here sir- listen to the nurse | November 12, 2008 2:38 PM

First of all DONT LISTEN TO JAHMONE. HE IS ONE OF THOSE IGNORANT, MAN AH MAN. bUT MAN AH BUOY WHEN I SEE THEM ALL THE TIME IN THE HOSPITAL AT 80 YEARS SICK LIKE DOG AND DONT HAVE KNOW ONE TO GO HOME TO BECAUSE THEY WERE TO BUSY SLAM GIRL LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER. ON TOP OF THAT REAL MEN KNOW HOW TO BE THE BIGGER PERSON. HES STILL THINKING LIKE A YOUTH. IF U WANT TO TEK BACK YOUR WOMAN. TEK HAR BACK. ASK HER IF SHE STILL WANTS TO BE WITH U FIRST, BECAUSE IF SOMEONE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. THEN DONT PUSH YOURSELF ON THEM. GOD WILL FIGURE IT OUT. PLUS BY STAYING WITH HER IF SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH U. U COULD BE BLOCKING YOUR OWN BLESSING.JUST TRY FIGURE OUT WHERE IT WENT WRONG.SIT DOWN AND TALK TO HER.LET HER KNOW THIS UNFAITHFULNESS WONT STAND BUT YOUR WILLING TO GIVE THE RELATIONSHIP ANOTHER TRY. BE FORGIVING. WOMEN HAVE THE SAME CAPABILITY OR CAPACITY TO CHEAT JUST AS MEN. AND REMEMBER JESUS IS FORGIVING AND HE GAVE UNTIL IT HURT.Also know that if she wants to be with u. Just keep in mind not everything u want God knows u need. And though it might be heard getting over her. You will get there. just like a wound on your skin it may hurt but eventually heals and new skin is formed. Just try. nothing is worst then going on and feeling like what if i had done this or tried this. the biggest problem in jamaica is men fi give bun and u must take them back but they cyan tek bun. And they are the first ones to leave u. Brother if she doesnt want u. God will find u a good one who will. I believe if he has to build u one he will.You know what teacher if all fails and u dont want to waste your time. Find a nice christian girl. there are many beautiful christian girls. Beautiful inside and out. People just see them as boring because they dont follow the trend or the ways of the world. Nothing like a sheep that is running with the herd to heaven.
Stay blessed and pray



FIRE:
Posted by FIRE | November 12, 2008 2:42 PM

@SERIOUSLY STOP TALK SH1T BOUT CENTER OF WORLD TEACHER U JUST PICK UP A DOG HEAD U SHOULDA CURB DAT B*TCH WEN U MET HER AND STOP PLAY LIKE YUH FRIGHTEN FI HAR WEN YU CATCH HER A F**K U SHOULDA BEAT DI SH*T OUTA HAR IF A WOMAN LOVE U SHE WILL CHANGE HER WAYS FOR U LOW DAT TEACHER AND GO FIND A NEXT WOMAN AND REMEMBER DIS LITTLE ADVICE HERE (HOW U START IS HOW U FINISH----NICE GUYS FINISH LAST)



Unkwown:
Posted by Unkwown | November 12, 2008 3:58 PM

@paree you are crazy as hell what kind of advice is that. For your information if the girl wanted the man she would have contacted him. He's never gonna get the change to do that to her thank god.



Anonymous:
Posted by Anonymous | November 12, 2008 4:10 PM

You are a 100% right. I was in the same position and at first she had to go. Then I get a hold of myself, and realize maybe this could work. It never did, it was only a matter of time before sh*t hit the fan. Now we are divorce, but we had a kid afterwards. Thrust me, its not worth it, let the bit*h go.



merdoc:
Posted by merdoc | November 12, 2008 4:23 PM

@seriously, that's A LOT OF CROCK teacher man it happens to most men, quiet or other wise ur wife is dif from u so get over it. Her ways are'nt urs, did'nt u say that ur a christian or raised in that life style DID'NT U READ WHEN GOD SAID BE NOT UNEVENLY YOKED. Ur marriaged was just that, sorry to say but that's life move as it gos on. U will get a better woman just do as the bible say trust in GOD and he will give u what u need NOT WHAT U WANT. One love man be blessed.



tht mi seh:
Posted by tht mi seh | November 12, 2008 4:44 PM

look beg unno 4 dis bio number cuz him soun like di real crown tht i been searchin 4 u no how long lool wioo y him wan contact di gyal di gyal seem 2 b arite cuz she f**k up har marriage she nt tryin 2 mek it work, she dnt wan him bak poor soul!!! b*tch like she tun man inna beast!!!



modou...:
Posted by modou... | November 12, 2008 4:52 PM

lmao.... ok i dont mean to be laughting and stuffs like that but bruh u a wussy, never ever ever ever get back with her unless u want the same things happening over and over agin tek we yuh self find u a real woman with morals, who wont be giving the goods to another man in your bed that u bought eww, i hope u threw away the bed there might be cum stains on the matress atl in the building



Lover Girl:
Posted by Lover Girl | November 12, 2008 4:59 PM

Let me start by saying that you sir need to start thinking about yourself, see that is the problem you loved her more than you loved God and the bible tells you that if there is anything that you love more than the creator himself then he will take it away from you, so for starters, start loving yourself and go out and do a little shopping change your style of dressing and go out and mingle, life is too short to be depressed over flesh. STOP IT NOW!!!!!.

Don't get me wrong I know that it is easier said than dont, but nothing beats a tryer but a failure so get up off your rump and go. You sound like a very educated young man so I really do not understand what's the problem, she has totally disrespected and violated your space so WHY????????? would you want to be with someone like that, do you think for one moment that she is not going to do it to you again???????????

Let me leave you with a bit of advice, she has been cheating on you from day one the problem is that you did not see it with your eyes and you have been living in denial because deep down in your heat you knew that she was cheating you just hated to admit it so the Creator had to make you see it before it got to the point where she was going to give you a deadly STD. Thank God every day of your life that you did not get an STD from her and that you still ahve a healthy life.

MOVE ON DARN IT, GOD HAS BETTER IN STORE FOR YOU.



Phoxy:
Posted by Phoxy | November 12, 2008 5:50 PM

I thought the advice was a little hasty. First, she made a mistake, even though I don't believe in cheating, she might feel embarrassed about what she did and want a second chance. Opposites do attract and having two boring people married to each other may not seem as exciting as these two. Maybe he fell in love with her because she is adventurous and wild and a "pro" in bed. I wouldn't suggest he jumps right back in the groove with her, but first go get some counseling and take things one step at a time to ensure that the trust and honesty is established in the relationship. Everybody is different, while I may be rude to my husband, I wouldn't cheat on him. If she seems sincere in changing and willing to receive counseling then so be it, give her another chance. It's not easy to find people to live with on a long term basis these days.



jenni:
Posted by jenni | November 12, 2008 6:14 PM

where is 'gryno' or 'gyno' on this comment. him taking a break. mi wah hear wat you have to say. cant wait. lol



SO WHAT:
Posted by SO WHAT | November 12, 2008 7:10 PM

TEACH??? I KNOW ITS VERY HARD TO HEAR PEOPLE SAY TO MOVE ON, BECAUSE WHEN YOUR IN LOVE YOU WANT TO HEAR WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.I AM ON THE OUTSIDE SO I HAVE NO REASON TO BE OBJECTIVE ARE UNFAIR WITH MY ADVICE...ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE SITTING AROUND FEELING SORRY FOR URSELF GO OUT AND EXPLORE. ONE OF THE REAL PROBLEM HERE IS SHE TOOK UR VIRGINITY AND AS THEY ALWAYS SAID...U WILL FOREVER LOVE THAT ONE, BUT YOU CAN ALSO LOOSE THE ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR THAT PERSON AS TIME GOES BY, WHENEVER YOU GET THE URGE TO CALL HER, THINK ABOUT THE MAN YOU SAW HER WITH IN YOUR BED AND THAT SAME STRENGTH YOU HAD TO KICK HER OUT GO BACK AND FIND IT AND USE IT TO GET PASS HER...THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WORKS BECAUSE AM SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFEE BABES, JAMAICA IS FULL OF WOMEN AND NOT ENOUGH MAN SO GO EXPLORE JUST USE A CONDOM. YOU NEED TO GO OUT AND GET LAID BY A GIRL THATS GOING TO MAKE YOUR TOES CURL BECAUSE AT THIS TIME YOU ARE PU$$Y WHIP AND THINK



Tacious:
Posted by Tacious | November 12, 2008 8:30 PM

First off, I'd like to apologize to you on behalf of trifling heffers like your wife.

Second, if you take her back, you would not be the first to do so. Alot of people give their spouse a second chance. Whatever you choose is up to you. But follow your HEAD and not your HEART.

Third, Evaluate your marriage. Think about what may have caused her to stray, I AM NOT SAYING ITS YOUR FAULT! However think and talk with your wife so that way there will be closure.

Fourth, your a Christian man, nows a good a time as any to seek some guidance.

It's normal to think about her, because she's your wife. But I personally say give cheaters no love because if they do it once, they will do it again.

Thats just my word.
Hope the best works out for you.
=)



Seriously:
Posted by Seriously | November 12, 2008 9:32 PM

@ Merdoc, Fire and Paree

Me gi my advice and as Mr Proppa Fix seh

Dat was my advice, tek it or bloodCl@@t leave it



Jackie:
Posted by Jackie | November 13, 2008 12:26 AM

sometimes when you love someone it is not so easy to let go and move on. Until you have been in that person's shoes you dont know what they are going thru. But teacher if she cheat pan u once she will do it again and thats setting yourself up for another heartache. If you love this woman as you claim and you want to work it out then you guys should seek counselling cuz at the end of the day nobody a go have your problem to deal with but you. yuh neva a satisfy har an maybe thats why she go out deh go mek a next man sort har out. but Dr right if di woman did a tink bout u or if she did remorseful she wudda fine way fi get to yuh. maybe u shudda juss count yuh loss yaw...cuz mi a look pan it from all angle an someway me feel seh if u want fi work it out u should but if it a go cause u pain let it go. weigh u options an pros an cons before u tek har back doe



rudeboy87:
Posted by rudeboy87 | November 13, 2008 1:59 AM

yow ah rudeboy dis. teacha listen yuh need teachin now. leff the bl**dclaute gyal and find yuh a good woman. weh the r*ss yah cum talk bout yuh still ah tink bout har. yuh fi hav yuh wood inna some odda p*ssy, bout yuh still tinkin bout har. yuh want a r*ss baxx.



gansta:
Posted by gansta | November 13, 2008 2:31 AM

to some point the beating actually make you feel better believe me i never once thought i would do that but it just makes the feeling inside better its like crying out your heart .



REAL TING:
Posted by REAL TING | November 13, 2008 4:41 AM

Dude you dont love her.....you just missing the sex with her...thats all....you cant be in love with a person that defiled your house your marriage not to mention your damn beddd.......go out more meet new women and trust me u'll get over her.

Your yearning for the excitement u used to have in bed with her and u cant stand to think of another man messing with her......trust and believe SHE IS NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU WHILE SHE F*CKING ANOTHE MAN....lol...YOU ARE THE FURTHEST THING FROM HER MIND MR TEACHER......its hard to 4get someone or something like that buuttt in time you will heal......YOU HAVE TO HEAL....cause if you go back to her you may be liable to kill her the next time she messes up.....and she will mess up again with or without you.

BUT on a real with women you have to keep it interesting....especially the ones with feable minds lolol dem stary easily so my advice find someone that better matches your personality.....one that like staying home jus like u and avoid the adventure like u lol......opposites dont ALWAYS Attract as you just found out yourself.

SEX is not all....she was good she was exciting ....u like the fact she took control in a lot of things...butt youuu mr teacher are the man.....YOU need to take control grow some balls.....go out wid yuh oman....create the sparks needed to fire up ur next relationship....dont have your entire life surrounded by her....find hobbies....dont be the run over type becuase theres nothing more unattractive to a woman than a man thats easy to run over.....they might ACT like they love you but deep down they hate your guts.....why???? cause you act like a p*ssy and if she needed a female to date she'd go find her one.



FO:
Posted by FO | November 13, 2008 9:56 AM

You know it's hard to trust because of stories like this. I believe that you should move on and try to find peace about the situation. This woman have no class and she showed it by cheating but even worse in YOUR bed. Please don't do this to yourself, please let her go. If you should decide however to take her back it will never work, you know why? You will always think she is out cheating, you will always be on edge around her, always think she is up to no good and it will damage your health, make you a grumpy person, unhappy, miserable. Take care and all the best. Yes I am speaking from experience.



Anonymous:
Posted by Anonymous | November 13, 2008 10:09 AM

@nurse what u mean figured where it went .mek me tell yuh when she get caught in his bed.
if a her house i will walk away but my house de two a dem would a pronounce cause bible say till death do us path.teacher put on some bashy garments no tight pants like killa kartel & mavado dress like andre 3000 yuh bound fe get a gal trust me it work remember no tight pants mi nah promote it



innocent:
Posted by innocent | November 13, 2008 10:33 AM

me prefa read the comments than the actual column


hhehe @ rudeboy why the poor man fi get bax?


heheheheh
mi love proppa fix

dwl lol

the poor techa mussi r*ss confuse now wuss thing fi beg advice from nawgas lol!



Can:
Posted by Can | November 13, 2008 12:01 PM

Well it is understandable that u would think about her, because she's the only woman that you know intimately and u have been with her a long time. But it would be very unwise to get back with her because she showed no respect for your marriage when she started cheating, & worse, slept with someone else in your matrimonial home & bed. This is your time to move on with your life, live a little and have some fun. Start doing some travelling, around the island, the Caribbean, everywhere. This way you will meet more people, probably another woman that you can start over with. Your wife isnt worth the trouble. I hate it when people show blatant disregard for their marriage.



Rmak:
Posted by Rmak | November 13, 2008 3:37 PM

My brother i feel your pain but we have to make reason prevail. Confusing the lord in a very common sense issue will not guarantee a successful marriage.
Anyone can get married but how many can have a true marriage? U needed to ask yourself that before u fell to the pressure of gettin married.You guys didn't take enough time to know each other so the writing was on the wall from day one. It's obvious u were 2 very very very different people. Minimum compatibility equals trouble in every language. Move on and take some time to know the next woman u meet. Life is precious don't waste it by rushing into marriage too fast.

Selah



¤Gryna Physician¤:
Posted by ¤Gryna Physician¤ | November 13, 2008 8:06 PM

R*sssclaut di big man a consult mr propafix!lmao!!!

Yo Mr T take a vacation bcause a pure f_ckery yuh teaching people pikney in time like this,if it was me I wudnt want no body to tell me what to do I wud fling mi cacky lef right and center,plenty christian gyal want b_ddy to enuh so u hav no excuse fi nuh fling di b_ddy.I had love diss gyal aready and she was a christian and she tell me only way I can get di p_ssy iz to baptise and I didn't hesitate to baptise but when I baptise she still dnt wanna giv me di likkle pum pum so I start targetin the other church sister and dnt ask if I was a good service man,so jus use ur christianity to get closer to them gyal...Mr T forget bout di r*ssclaut gyal and move on...

That's my advise take it r leave it.

¤Gryna¤



Brownin:
Posted by Brownin | November 13, 2008 10:35 PM

lmfao@ all the women beaters in this thread. WO be unto you. one day you going buck up on the wrong gal. Ha.

Anyway teach, leave her- not worth the fight. once a cheater, always a cheater!



dabz:
Posted by dabz | November 14, 2008 4:51 AM

u mek man luk bad go an get a life so many woman out dear u f**king gal clow.



Gravy:
Posted by Gravy | November 14, 2008 5:52 AM

Teacher, you are only feeling this way because she was your 1st. The person who takes your virginity will always bare some significance in your mind. As you said she was more experienced which obviously means you weren't her 1st so the balance of significance has tilted.

I think because of your strong Christian upbringin you rushed into marrying this girl and did not spend enough time getting to know her. I'm sure if you played boyfriend and girlfriend for about 18 months before you gave her the ring, you would have realised that she is not the type of girl you wife.

In the end you made a mistake... Religion sometimes opposes reality and the no sex before marriage rule does not always work if only one partner has followed it.

BEFORE U GIV HAR DI RING, U BETTA TRY OUT DI TING



Andrae:
Posted by Andrae | November 15, 2008 11:56 AM

Miss Tacious baby, sure you are an american woman so i am telling you right now thats not the way we handle that down here.First he should f**k that guy up good, then give that girl a fine ass wipping.Thats all he would need to feel confident to go on with his life. Bet the next woman he has would not want to do that.Right about now he is going to find plenty of cheating women looking for his a*s.



Anonymous:
Posted by Anonymous | November 15, 2008 7:54 PM

These comments are so damn hilarious. I thought everyone would tell him to move on, not tell this poor man him a wuss but damn these comments have me rolling.



Tacious:
Posted by Tacious | November 16, 2008 12:02 PM

Andrae, my darling Andrae...
did you not read the part where the man said he was CHRISTIAN??

You want this man to go to jail or get killed by the other man???

Certainly not.

I think that beating the woman isnt going to prove a point. She still f**ked him, she still cheated. JUST LEAVE HER. Simple.

And if he was a truly a GOD FEARING MAN, I know that he wouldn't contradict himself by going on a "scorned-lover" rampage.
Dontcha think?

;-)

p.s by the way, I'm Canadian, babe, we're a bit more calmer.



nelly:
Posted by nelly | November 17, 2008 9:07 AM

unnu fun bad. Tacious is right, beating her wont solve a thing. I think he should move on its obviously they didnt share in the same things to begin with.

Proppafix crew, where is Meleon? fi har comments always have me rolling.



Andrae:
Posted by Andrae | November 17, 2008 6:17 PM

I meant to be mischievous by my previous comment, that would certainly be the worst way to deal with a situation like that. So let me thank miss Tacious for both her comments especially for being kind to me in her last comment. You are thinking straight.



Tacious:
Posted by Tacious | November 18, 2008 9:14 AM

@Andrae
Oh it's no problem, darling lol it's all love! =)



Flesh Axe:
Posted by Flesh Axe | November 22, 2008 8:04 PM

Teach, you behaving like a damned fool.How could you want to be with a promiscuous woman. A cheater will always be a cheater. You must never allow a woman to clown you out.Move on with your life.



Anonymous:
Posted by Anonymous | December 3, 2008 5:18 PM

she ur wife ,for give her and try work it out thing do happen ,we all make mistake god forgive us so why cant u.dont give up on love because it hard to find.



rocky:
Posted by rocky | December 1, 2009 5:07 AM

hey teacher,i am simple guy with many and confusing thoughts my advise is to u that... as u here most of the comments from pepole r not in for of u, i feel something to tell u. Please forgive ur wife and reconcile with her as jesus forgived us and loved us so much. if she continues again u can again forgive her after all there is a day we have to get back to our heavenly father jesus. may not find good to others but i hope u start a new life with her everything will be perfect, god bless u....



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